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It was a lazy lazy X’Mas.

HD was supposed to come home on 25th from Bangalore… the only catch was- he had not booked tickets… so I was not sure if he planned to fly, take a bus/train or walk to Mumbai. As expected, there were no tickets available on date of journey. He decided to travel to Belgaum from B’glore… and then to Mumbai from there. Instead of arriving at 1 pm on 25th… he reached at 10 pm. Not kidding.. he travelled for 25.5 hrs. I spent the entire day waiting… thinking “Now he will come…now he will come”… I didn’t cook or take a bath (I only bathe when I have to go out… otherwise it seems like such a waste of time) or cook or move from the bean bag. So… that was X’Mas… not that I had any plans.

The next day HD woke up bright and early (6 am) for his road trip with friends to attend another friend’s wedding in Kolhapur… (YES… He passed through Kolhapur while coming to Mumbai). I left for work around 10 am panicking that I would be the last one to reach it. Surprise!!! Surprise!!! My boss had come 15 mins before me. I was diligently working till lunch when he asked me; “What time are you leaving office?”

Me: I don’t know… need to finish this work.. then interview some candidates on the phone

Him: Ok… I was not going to come to office today but since the sales co-ordinators are here… I turned up… will check my mails and leave soon. Your other colleagues are also on leave.

I lost all motivation to work… everyone is on leave… the corporate office is empty… sales targets are done… it is a slow life. I left office and was home by 3 pm. I don’t even know why I bother working on Saturdays. I am sure my boss will soon stop coming to office on Sat.

No plans for New Years… waiting for HD to return so we can make plans.

There is a mosque somewhere around the flat… the loudspeakers blare some prayers early morning at 6 amand evening too. Like HD said; “Close the windows… else we will turn Muslims hearing this every morning”. Not to be outdone some school students recite their Hindu prayers on loudspeakers at 8 am… it seems like a Hindu Muslim war on loudspeakers. Poor Moi is the sufferer. On 25th the car wash opposite the building had a celebration… again, the loudspeakers spewed some Bollywood music. Opening the windows during the day is a torture. Isn’t it bad enough that I have to tolerate traffic sounds without loudspeakers adding to the nuisance? Don’t people need permissions to use them? Whatever happened to noise pollution? Sigh!!!


Hiya… sorry… I was gone…

Last week was not very good but it was productive. I like my work… the job and profile. I just hate my Boss. Last week he was rude, insulting and raised his voice with me even though I was not at fault. I mean… he misread the sales nos and instructed me to “match nos”. I refused and told him to speak properly. Things went out of hand. He cross checked the nos with other colleagues and realized he was wrong but didn’t have the courtesy to apologize. After thinking over it for 2 days and consulting AB, DK and current colleagues I met the Sales Head (his boss) and complained about him. The Sales Head heard me out and suggested I speak to my Boss directly first. In case things are not sorted out he will intervene. I did that… my Boss denied being rude to me… we had a chat and I realized he had a list of complaints against me documented in his head. He told me I am stubborn… I do the work I like quite well and ignore the rest… which is true. I made it very clear; “I cannot do anything I am not convinced with… no matter what”. I don’t believe in kow towing to someone’s authority… especially someone who is not as smart as me… and I am not being arrogant. My Boss knows nothing… really… he can’t justify or defend even one sales no without the ASMs around. It is quite demeaning having to work with a person of such intellect.

Sigh!!! Elections on Tuesday… so chutti. Planning to go shopping at Lokhandwala… have wanted to do that for months now.

Working between holidays is torture… I am waiting for Tuesday… finished half of the house cleaning today… will complete the other half day after. I want to buy plants for the balcony and some wind chimes as well. I love wind chimes. My best friend had gifted me one years back… it was part of my room in engg hostel and then B school hostel.

I spent 3.5 hours in the parlour today and feel completely relaxed. It is so nice to be pampered once in a month. Maybe next month I will get a massage… love massages… The one HD and I had taken in Munnar was amazing.

I am desperately waiting for Friday night when HD will come home. I am not the best at picking him up… specially in the mornings. Last time when he came I promised to pick him up from Chembur at 6 am…  but could not wake up. Poor guy took a cab… and he never ever fails to pick me up and drop me off no matter how much the distance or what the time. I do the drop offs… pick ups are difficult at odd times.

Grocery shopping is done… don’t know if shops will be open on Tuesday… once HD is here he will take up all my time and attention.

Chalo… good night… will update more often.

I am so sleepy today…. I came home last night or today morning at 2 am. I got a call from my ex-colleague last evening.

Him: Hi… where are you? Today is B’s b’day

Me: Oh!! Is it? I will drop by at the office to wish him

B is an ex-colleague who turned 50. The other ASMs pull his leg with me. He had once likened me to ‘Preity Zinta’ (quite a joke) and narrated an impromptu poem during my Farewell. At the office everyone was busy making presentations. The plan was to go for dinner to ‘Out of the Blue’ which is my fav restaurant. My ex-Boss (BM) also joined us… I ordered a small Cosmopolitan but BM changed it to a large one. All my protests of “I have to drive back” fell on deaf ears. There was live music… conversation was not bad… BSM joined us a little later. We have been trying to get him to invite us to his house for idlis or filter coffee unsuccessfully for a year now. At midnight these guys decided to head to his house. BSM didn’t refuse… but he didn’t agree either. He escaped us by taking an auto home… one car out of 3 followed him there. We reached his building but yet he would not let us in. We were shocked and disgusted… and left.

Disclaimer: I am not obsessed with entering his house… the other guys are.

We headed for coffee at 1 am to CCD at Bandstand. The last time I went to BS was 2 years back with a friend. We left when we saw hordes of couples making out. It looks beautiful at 1 am… now I know why people want to stay near the sea.

Thankfully, BM dropped me home by driving along with me. I was too scared to drive alone at 1.30 am. Not everyone is that courteous… which is one thing I appreciate about my ex-colleagues.

My current colleague had been hitting on me… bugged and tired of giving subtle hints I confronted him and asked him to back off… now he is acting all weird. Some people just don’t know what it is to be professional. How can anyone put their career at stake by flirting with a colleague? That was a “No No” for me even when I was single. He was stupid enough to write such stuff on SMS. My older, wiser, experienced friend in B School always advised me to “Think before putting anything in writing”… I have been careful in the corporate life about it.

Anyways… In the morning I was feeling smug about how I have been handling my Boss these days… there had no conflicts… Unfortunately, we fought today. I hate that man… AB has asked me to lie low till confirmation. After that I can think of complaining against him or something. Kuch toh karna padega.

Chalo… people… I am sooooo damn sleepy. Good night!!!

I didn’t have a great evening… it could have been good but… anyway… I have realized music can sooth me. Listening to music even in horrible shitty traffic keeps me calm and keeps frustration away.

I organized a meeting of my promoters. Promoters are females in stores who sell our products and merchandise them. Some what like a salesman on the field. My SO messaged early morning to say he is ill and wont be able to come for the meeting. He was supposed to deliver the presentation. The training manager messaged to say she will get late for her session and we should start without her. The trade marketing manager did not return my call yesterday and I was not sure he would come. Everything seemed to be going wrong. I hoped atleast the promoters would turn up. My Boss also made excuses and got out of attending it.

Then… the Key Accounts Manager landed up and took the training. The trade marketing manager also came and contributed. The training manager confirmed her presence. Everything went smoothly. This was the first training session organized/conducted by me and I was so nervous. I am not a people person… I am not the one who can just get up on stage and deliver impromptu speeches… or make jokes to connect with the audience… or be a people person… sometimes… I can do all that… and take myself by surprise… mostly, I can’t. But… it worked out fine. Everytime I visit an outlet I plan to take the promoter out for lunch or coffee or something… these little things do help in motivating people. I have changed their incentive structure so that they can earn some extra money. Hope I am on the right track.

There are celebrations y… Id… Navratri… Diwali… people need reasons to pamper themselves. Festivals have never been important to me… Navratri has no meaning… neither does Diwali. I looked at the decorations on the street and felt a little lonely. Was it ‘coz HD and I fought? I don’t know… whenever we fight… my world goes dark. What if HD was with me… would I still feel lonely? Maybe… some amount of loneliness is good… it helps retain myself. The loneliness reminds me “I am still ME”… and no matter how close I am to HD… I will always be ME…

Off to B’glore tomorrow to spend the long weekend with HD… will meet Ann and friends… Yippie!!!

Today an acquaintance buzzed me on GTalk. He is a junior from my engg college. He used to chat regularly when I was in B School and he was working as an engineer. He was frustrated and wanted to enter advertising. I remember speaking to my Advertising course Prof (who heads B’glore office at Saatchi and Saatchi) for tips on entering an ad agency on his behalf. He later joined a hot shot advertising course. We have not chatted since then. He buzzed me ‘coz he is scouting outside campus for jobs. What an asshole!!! I didn’t offer to help and ended the conversation. This has happened… another acquaintance had contacted last year for projects in my company… he has not kept in touch after that. These people make it soooo obvious!!! They need to learn PR… either you do or you don’t. Nobody is going to help out if they make their ulterior motives so obvious. My sub ordinate from IIM-B (the one I have mentioned in previous posts) is earning less than what I did when I joined work… and I am from a B class B school. Thats how bad the market situation is.

Hi… didn’t have a good day… argued with Boss… it was quite humiliating… it is humiliating that I have to report and work with such intellectually challenged people… Sigh!!!

He didn’t let me attend an important meeting ‘coz of his ego. I will teach that bastard a lesson in my own way. Right now I need to concentrate on performing and gaining trust of my colleagues and superiors. Once I start delivering sales numbers I can throw as much attitude as I want to.

HD is quite happy… ‘coz now I am working in an organization as inefficient as his… he feels I will understand his plight better since we are at the same level.

Nayan left office to spend sometime with me ‘coz I was upset. Instead of making me feel better… it had the opposite effect. When I am upset I like the other person to mollify me… say “Its ok.. it will be fine… Boss is an asshole… ” He started hitting when the iron was hot.. asking me to be more diplomatic… advising me to keep my ego aside. I just wanted to be left alone… I didn’t want stupid and correct advice.

Anyways… I have started using my b’day gift from HD… it is a digital photo frame… I added pics of my good friends and it is a pleaure to see them every night.. very comforting. There is HD… his personal photos… Ann.. Apps… AB… DK.. most friends… somehow there are no pics before B-school… thats a part of my life which seems mostly irrelevant now.

There is a pic with Ann and Apps… we are working on some presentation. I remember that night clearly… we were working… Ann was begging her laptop to work properly… there was laughing… brain storming… the pics capture all of it. Those were good times. Not the simplest of times… but yeah I did have good friends… and thankfully atleast one has lasted…

Hiya… please ignore previous post and forgive me. I was very very very upset and could not post since I am aware of the people reading the blog… which pissed me off considerably. I decided to start another blog but the idea of starting all over again seems like an effort. I am not ready… not yet. Being alone means I long for the familiar… even if it is an old blog. Somehow this blog means more than it was meant to be.

My old maid quit yesterday… she cannot leave her 4 year old daughter and come at 7 am. I was sad to see her go… I knew her for only a month.

Life is fine… I like my job… I can start work at 11 am… visit malls and shop for grocery… and wind up at 6 pm. Small problem though.. my boss is an asshole… he is useless.. brainless and a pain in the wrong places. He makes the other 2 ASMs work late nights… calls/smses them at all hours. Last night he called me at 9 pm… I didn’t answer and didn’t call back either. He got the msg… today he smsed instead of calling. There is so much to do… I mean… there is A, B, C, D… I have to complete the rest. Initially I was worried… will I be able to do it? Am I competent enough? But now I don’t have any doubts.

There is a female from IIM-B reporting to me. She is a Management Trainee in her sales stint. I don’t know whether to sympathise with her or with myself… No matter which the B school they are all crap.. and what they teach is plain gaaassss…. B schools are about placements… they don’t teach anything relevant or useful. This female has to interact with retail chains and she believes everything they tell her. I said to her; “Unlearn what MBA taught you… and be street smart”. Once she finishes her training there will be another one from NMIMS reporting to me. Sigh!!!

On friday and sat we have a managers’ meet at a 5 star hotel. I am not too keen on staying at night in the hotel… don’t know what the people and culture is like in this organization. But it will be unavoidable ‘coz driving back home late at night won’t be possible.

On the personal front… I bought a bean bag… the TV cabinet will be here tom… planning to fly to Delhi next weekend to meet AB and DK coz I am missing them… will meet HD next month… we are planning a trip to Coorg. Hope it works out. Thank god flights are dirt cheap right now. Finances are getting better… there is money trickling in… and it will also trickle out soon. I will join the gym soon… there is a good club in the building with facilities of gym… yoga… aerobics… table tennis.. pool… pretty cool.

I had a mediocre bad day… after a good cry and some hair color… I ventured to the balcony which is on the 17th floor and told myself; “I will get through this… I have struggled a lot to get here and am not giving it up… not for anything… not for anyone”

Just saying that calmed me.

I am thinking of moving blogs… I am too aware about the people reading this which prevents me from writing everything on my mind.

And since I am Gemini I need to be on the move.

Lets see how that works out… if I move it will be to a completely anonymous blog and the link will not be divulged to anyone.

I had read the review of ‘Marrying Anita’ on Shobha De’s blog and was keen on reading the book. After searching for a month I picked it up at Crossword today and put it down that very moment. It is another Desi chick lit novel…. one where the lady is looking for a husband/love… arranged marriage Vs love marriage. Such books sicken me… is that all women think about? Not really… sure, finding a good hubby is on every  girl’s to-do list along with laundry, manicure, promotion, Gucci bag etc. No big deal. Why have I never heard men craving for a good wife??? Why is there no ‘Sex and the City’ for the men? Any answers?

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