In today’s Sex and the City… (Ok… ok… I try and keep up till 12 am to catch the 2 episodes… sometimes I put hooks on my eyes to keep them open. Crucify me)… but… I need to talk about Carrie and Big and Aiden before I get to the episode.

Carrie and Aiden are dating… he is her best bf… kind, considerate, nice, funny, caring… everything Carrie is looking for… BUT… she cheats on him with her ex Big. I don’t like Big (even though Carrie ends up with him eventually)… he is such a MAN… inconsiderate, self centered, emotionally unavailable. I don’t know why she cheats on him… and why with Big. It doesn’t matter. She confesses to Aiden. He is devastated (he has my sympathies) but forgives and forgets.

Coming to the episode… Carrie and Aiden are making love. The phone rings… Carrie does not pick up… it goes to the answering machine. It is Big calling to say hi. Things change… Aiden withdraws… starts flirting with a waitress… he is rude to Carrie. Carrie knows the reason but he refuses to talk about it… she tries to make up by going out of her way and doing things for him. Samantha (her friend) advises her to stop making these efforts. It won’t change anything… and deep down Carrie knows she is right. But she carries on.

Carrie is the bad person here… but she has my sympathies. I know how she feels… the pain… the torture… the guilt. I could feel her pain (strange na???).

Aiden asks Carrie to stop talking to Big. She refuses… even though it is only fair to Aiden. I liked that. Big is not the culprit here… Carrie is… her decision is. Removing Big from her life is not the solution. How many times are we asked to do that by our partners? Its not fair… and quite illogical. If Carrie wants to cheat… she will always find men to do it with. Makes complete sense to me. Either you trust somebody completely or you don’t. There are no in-betweens. Period.

People make mistakes… but they have to pay for it. Thats only fair. Our destiny is our choice… where we end up is our choice… who we end up with is our choice… our happiness is our choice… our pain is our choice. We make or break our life.

It does not matter what someone else thinks about me… if I think I am happy… I am… if I think I am successful… I am.

In the next episode… Carrie’s laptop crashes… she has never backed up and her life long data is lost. Aiden buys her a new one but she refuses to accept it. He is pissed and tells her; “I have the keys to your house… I can enter your front door but how do I enter your heart?” She is afraid…. she has spent her life alone… depending on someone is scary.

Few years back I used to think it was better to find someone at an early age… makes it easier to adjust. The older we get.. the more rigid we become. We become less compromising. Now I think we are more compromising at an early age… as we grow older… we are more confident… self assured… more secure… it is easier to have a mature relationship. But relationships are scary… very scary. I remember telling Bf in Nov’07… “I don’t think I can fall in love ever again”. I had given up… I didn’t care anymore. I had mentally prepared myself for a practical life. Thankfully… I fell in love… it is always scary letting a new person enter your life… trusting someone all over again… nobody wants to get hurt… and love hurts… it hurts real bad.

Treat love as a journey not as a destination and everything will be fine. It may not work out… but you will never regret it. If it works out… there is no happier feeling in this world.

Good night… now I better sleep. The hooks are off my eye lids.