Tomorrow an important decision will be made. I promised myself that no matter what the decision… I will make the best out of it.

Few weeks back I met Moushami… she is my friend’s Salsa dance partner. Her words keep echoing;

“You have to be a fighter. You cannot give up so soon. Nothing is served on a silver platter”

All my life, specially in my B-School I have been advised “not to rock the boat”… “suffer in silence”. Maybe you have to be diplomatic… calm… reasonable… but how many reasonable people do we come across? I don’t think reason works with an unreasonable person.

My advice to everyone (including myself) is… “Be yourself. Make mistakes. Be passionate. Live life. Don’t survive it”. And balls to those who think otherwise. Today I am as alone as I have ever been. Sometimes I find it unbelievable that people I thought would care have deserted me. Its so surreal.But life goes on.

What I hate most are constraints. I don’t like my life’s decisions (my job, location etc) being made by someone else. I am like a bird who always wants to be free… if I had to choose between love that binds and loneliness that frees… I would choose the latter. I was born to be free.

Anyway, to move to lighter things… I had absolutely nothing to do at work today. I spent the entire day reading the blog: thecompulsiveconfessor.blogspot.com

In Sex and the City tonight, Carrie spots her bf with his mother in a church. She asks him to introduce him to her. He refuses. But Carrie being Carrie sneaks into the church next Sunday to accidently bump into bf and the mother. Bf is not pleased and tells her to “have faith” in him and not rush him. In USA when a man introduces his gf to his parents it shows his seriousness towards the relationship. Carrie is heart-broken.

I felt extremely bad for her… to get mind-fucked even in your late-20s is horrible. At 18 or 20 or 22, we all go through it.

This brings me to the survey carried out by Preeti today (she was as jobless as me):

Preeti: If you had to be happily single or happily married, which one would you choose?

Me: I have been happily single… now I want to experience happily married state. Why?

Preeti: I am just surveying people on my gtalk list… got the idea from ‘What happens in Vegas’. Try it and tell me the results. All the men have said they prefer “happily single” and the women “happily married”. Just goes to prove that ‘Men are from Mars and women are from Venus’.

Me: Wow… interesting.

I messaged all my friends…

The younger guys were skewed towards “happily single”… the women with broken hearts also wanted the same… everyone else, married or single, was inclined towards “happily married”. There were some who couldn’t make up their minds and preferred to be “happy”… who cares if it is with one partner or none… right?

Ann (she hates being called ‘Anna’… its like a pun since she is in Chennai and hating it) asked me what I learned from the exercise and I said “I am so happy to be 25 and not 20… I don’t have to come across commitment phobic men anymore”

Its so weird when you have known someone for a year (and known him very closely) and yet you discover new shades to him everyday. I get provoked easily… I am passionate by nature… when I love, I love fiercely… thats why I avoid hating. Hate is a useless emotion. I also like to provoke. Calm, collected people make me uneasy. I tend to suspect them. So, Bf and I tend to have a lot of heated discussions… maybe for him these arguments create complications… for me, they clear the air… I get a better understanding of the other person… I find them extremely healthy.

Good night.

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